Dating People Who Aren’t Your Type

My friends had certainly heard me say this line a few times. And the guy I married was also not my type! The three love stories below were the standouts in my life. I met my first love in university. He was my classmate for four years — the entire uni time. At first I never thought he was anything special. He was not tall. He was not more intelligent than I was. I was bossy and he was more of a follower.

Date Someone Who Is Absolutely Not Your Type

Enter your mobile number or email address below and we’ll send you a link to download the free Kindle App. Then you can start reading Kindle books on your smartphone, tablet, or computer – no Kindle device required. To get the free app, enter your mobile phone number. Would you like to tell us about a lower price? In He’s Just Not Your Type And That’s a Good Thing , a relationship expert and dating columnist shares her counterintuitive approach to lasting love: encouraging women to date their “non-types.

Mum’s the word, agrees Andrea Syrtash, a relationship expert and author of “He’s Just Not Your Type (And That’s a Good Thing).” “Don’t talk.

For those of us who have been in the dating game for awhile , we know that it can be really hard to go out of our comfort zone. Even though we go on dates with the thought of being open-minded to finding love or even friendship, being able to actually put that into practice can seem next to impossible. It’s not that we’re intentionally being picky, it just isn’t that easy to break out of our habit when we have a certain “type” that we’re going far.

Although having a type is healthy and normal, we actually do a disservice to ourselves by refusing to explore our options. In fact, this video is pretty much proof that dating someone who isn’t your type can be a good thing. Just because you don’t sound perfect on paper doesn’t mean that you won’t turn out to be a great match:. When Rose Ann first met Andrew, she wanted nothing to do with him.

Why You Should Date Someone Who Isn’t Your Type

You probably know what your ideal qualities are in a potential mate. In the study, published in the Journal of Experimental Social Psychology , a team of researchers led by Jehan Sparks conducted two experiments designed to test whether our romantic ideals match up with our romantic reality. In the first study, participants went on a blind date and reported back.

And while your type might not be a suspender-wearing cartoon cat, your ideal match See a Photo First – Sure, you’re open to dating outside your type, but that.

Stanley Gaines does not work for, consult, own shares in or receive funding from any company or organisation that would benefit from this article, and has disclosed no relevant affiliations beyond their academic appointment. Recent work has suggested that we do have go-to preferences when it comes to demographic and physical characteristics such as education, age difference, hair colour, and height. However, no previous research has provided strong evidence that we consistently seek a particular personality type across partners.

Over nine years, the researchers tracked the relationship status of these people, who had to pop the rather unusual question to partners of whether they would mind filling out the same personality questionnaire for the good of science. After nine years and thousands of questionnaires, the researchers ended up with participants who had been in relationships with at least two different romantic partners who were both happy to participate in the study.

The results showed that the current partners of participants described their personalities in ways that were similar to former partners. In most cases, similarity was only tested across two partners, but for the 29 participants who had more than two willing partners, the results were the same. The research showed that the personalities of the partners were not only similar to each other, but to the participants themselves.

Research Says Your “Type” Might Not Actually Predict Who You End Up With

And yet the problem was, my predilection for emotionally unsympathetic men with commitment issues and big arms and good hair was never apparent to me. It was a hard no for me. What could we possibly have in common? For weeks I ignored his attempts at plan-making. I swiped away his sweet messages and turned up my nose at the lack of boxes he checked off.

Before you get your tiny violins out, I have been dating, but it seems I’ve We usually reach the three-month mark before I’m told “I’m not.

Who does this punk think he is? I fumbled in my purse and looked at the girl to my right, thinking she might make some conversation. I had just moved to Virginia and was watching Sherlock Holmes with a group of friends. Somehow this guy ended up next to me. I was wearing dark bootcut jeans, a nice blouse and heels. You like to look sophisticated. Am I right? I stared at him in disbelief.

He’s Not My Type But I’m Attracted to Him

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I wondered about the kind of guy I’d end up dating and marrying. by my growing attraction to him because he was not my so-called “type.

I’ve been single for quite a few years now. Without getting too specific, let’s just say that the last time I had a boyfriend, a pastel-coloured peplum dress was the ultimate style statement, and the Duke and Duchess of Cambridge only had one child to parent. Before you get your tiny violins out, I have been dating, but it seems I’ve struggled to find the ones that are ready to commit. I clearly had two possible solutions — 1 Sign up for Love Island or 2 Join Match and try dating people outside my usual type.

As option number one is semi-unlikely, I decided on option two and set up my profile. My ‘type on paper’ would probably be a bit of a Jack the lad: he’s my age 25 , painfully good looking and he knows it , likes nights out and only replies to texts between the hours of pm and pm. Most of the men I’ve dated have been DJs, or at the very least owned a set of turntables. In order to find out what I really want in a partner, I was determined to try something different.

A guy with a different occupation, slightly older than me maybe, but definitely someone who was actively looking for a relationship. Setting up an account was quick and easy, and it encouraged me to list my preferences to help make my search more tailored. I filled in what kind of relationship I’m looking for something that could become serious , height not too fussed as long as I can wear my Loubs without towering over them and personality traits that I value funny, reliable and generous.

So far, so good.

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But evidence to suggest we prefer to seek particular personality types as our partners has been lacking. Over nine years, the researchers tracked the relationship status of these people , who had to also persuade their partners to fill out the same personality questionnaire for the good of science. After nine years and thousands of questionnaires, the researchers ended up with participants who had been in relationships with at least two different romantic partners who were both happy to participate in the study.

Dating someone who is different from our normal ‘type’ can offer opportunities to see the world in new ways Credit: Getty Images. The results showed that the current partners of participants described their personalities in ways that were similar to former partners.

​Jessie just broke up with her boyfriend, Luis. Looking back on it, Jessie has always been attracted to the “bad boy” type of guys: fascinating.

Eastwick studies attraction and romantic relationships: Who we are interested in and what affects romantic outcomes. Eastwick and his colleagues have studied speed dating and online dating. In lab settings, they asked college students to describe their ideal partner. Then, later, the students came to the lab for an activity. And—lo and behold—their lab partner had all the traits they said they desired, down to a T. The partner was actually a confederate of the experimenters, instructed to act however the students had said they wanted them to.

After the task, the experimenters asked if the students were interested in dating their partner. It works the same for deal-breakers. If anything, the science suggests that—once in a committed relationship—people change their view of an ideal mate to an image that more closely matches the object of their love. In person. Expand your social network. The key, though, is that these introductions turn into face-to-face meetings. You have to give yourself the chance to have that gut reaction.

But that still left me wondering: Was there anything we should look for after an initial spark of interest?

Why Your “Type” Isn’t Always Good for You

In fact, experts say it can be the key to developing a meaningful, fulfilling relationship. According to experts, there are many layers that make up the reasons why we’re drawn to a specific type. From the evolutionary perspective, for example, pairing up was a means for survival as opposed to seeking love and attraction, explains Dr.

If someone you started dating is “just not your type,” but you can’t come up with any actual reasons why not, that means you’re picky because.

We were classmates — he was just a guy I took English with and saw every day. WTF was going on? He had confidence. There was something attractive in the way he carried himself that I had only just noticed that day. He looked sure of himself and comfortable in his skin. I usually liked guys who were taller and thinner. This guy was definitely not my type, and yet there was just some X-factor about him that was quite alluring.

He was an amazing guy. Yes, he had an aura, but his appeal was about so much more than that. He was intelligent, we could chat about anything for hours, he was funny as hell, and he was a really down-to-earth guy. I fell — hard. Once I felt that spark of attraction, he became good on paper and appealing in real life too. I had it bad! I went from being cool with seeing him whenever to wanting to spend more and more time with him.

Here’s Why You Should Date Someone Who Isn’t Your Type

Want to discuss? Please read our Commenting Policy first. You might feel this unique connection that feels different and is exciting because you have entered the unknown.

But sticking to your type gives you that sense of comfort that exploring may not give you, Heide says. So just be open-minded, Heide says.

It is human nature to categorize — this innate tendency to sort things and people into separate groups is not only essential to making sense of the world but to arrive at complex decisions. Probably because of this most of us have a certain type when it comes to love and dating. And yet the human heart being what it is can surprise by falling for someone you would have never imagine yourself attracted to.

What is a type When it comes to dating, most people have a type in mind — a certain kind of person they are generally attracted to. This is usually made up of a cumulative of physical characteristics like a certain height or no pot-belly, personality traits like confidence or a sense of humor as well as some common interests and values. To this could be added certain deal-breakers like smoking or past felony. Having a type helps one to eliminate potential partners you assume you will not be compatible with.

Even this can take several forms. For instance the guy you have fallen for may be completely opposite from your usual choice. You may say ‘I only like extroverts,’ and then you meet an introvert, or ‘I only date Republicans’ and you find yourself hooking up with a Democrat. Then again he could be a non-type on the most superficial level, as when your date doesn’t add up on your checklist because he’s too short, too bald or too fat – not the tall, dark and handsome guy who is the stuff most female fantasies are made of.

Finally the guy you have fallen for could be a non-type only circumstantially — in other words you are attracted to him personally but he is divorced, a single dad with kids or living on the other side of the country. Generally speaking it is better to keep an open mind about guys who are only physically or circumstantially not your type.

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A really big dreamer. I was the first person in my family to graduate from college. A private college, magna cum laude, while raising four children alone. I worked hard and brought our family out of poverty singlehandedly.

Dating someone who is not your physical type. I am a dude who is generally only sexually attracted to tall guys. I do not want to feel this way — if I didn’t care.

There is very little reasoned, biblical perspective when it comes to evaluating physical attraction in dating and marriage. Thanks, Debra, for this insightful contribution to our blog. When I was single, I would often imagine what my future relationship was going to be like. I wondered if when I eventually had a picture of him, would I be proud to show it to my friends, or would I find myself with someone with an amazing heart whom I struggled to find attractive?

Finding someone to whom you are physically attracted is an important part of the equation of a healthy relationship. I am thankful that I am married to a man that I find attractive. As you are looking at your relationship, it is important to make sure that physical attraction is part of the equation, but more importantly, that you are coming to the table with appropriate expectations.

Real people have real bodies, and our expectations must be real as well. This is not about finding a supermodel wife or waiting to marry Mr. That might sound like a no-brainer to you, but we live in a culture in which the concepts of sexual chemistry and physical attraction have become totally, completely, and irreversibly skewed.

The entertainment industry and the pornography culture have completely ravaged our understanding of beauty, and namely, the beauty of a real woman. And this distorted mentality is starting to seep into the church in a truly concerning way. I know, because I hear from Millenials all the time who are battling unrealistic expectations of physical attraction.

I’m Attracted To This Guy… But He’s Not My Type!!!